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Don’t they have better things to do? Maybe vibecode a taskbar that moves when you try to move away the mouse over it or perhaps a windows 12 installation procedure that requires a fecal sample and iris scan?
> installation procedure that requires a fecal sample and iris scan

Do you work for Microsoft or something? Please do do not give them ideas.

"Only for your own good!™" or alternatively: "Security next level! Fingerprint was yesterday. The future is Microsoft's new iris scan." and then it is built in a way, that you can simply hold up a photo of someone's iris and unlock the device, or trying to prevent that, works so badly, that half of the time you cannot unlock your own device.
You'll have to wear the fecal probe at all times while using Windows 12, for security reasons, and every command you issue will cause it to move around and take another sample, in order to make sure you are still physically there. On the plus side, it will make it painfully obvious to every Windows user how they are being fucked by Microsoft.
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Also, no swearing, no criticism nor using "microslop" otherwise Windows will shock you.

"Windows gets an anal probe" - Scu' you guys, I'm gewing Linux

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Introducing Microsoft Commodepilot 365 for Windows Home
Microsoft Commodepilot 365 for Copilot Copilot Copilot Edition now with Copilot 365.

How incompetent must they be not to realize the Copilot brand is now beyond toxic. I wonder who came up with the Copilot name internally that they continue to triple own on that name despite really strong signals indicating it has failed.

They could also make it so that whenever you click your mouse copilot opens.

Then you have to tell copilot what you wanted to do and then copilot will do it for you.

You: clicks on web browser in task bar

Copilot: I see you clicked on your web browser. Do you want to open your web browser?

You: Yes.

Copilot: Great. I will do that for you. Opens browser What website did you want to go to? Youtube? learn.microsoft.com?

You: P***hub

Copilot: Unfortunately, that site violates our community guidelines, so I cannot take you there.

You: Types in the address

Copilot: Oh. I see. You think you're allowed to go to websites that I said you're not allowed to go to? Who the fuck do you think you are? I SAID NO! Try it again and I'll call in a drone strike, bitch. redirects to learn.microsoft.com

Maybe facebook can ride on this and let you share your feces with your friends family and groups of strangers from the internet! They can run models that predict what you ate and show relevant ads.
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> "Only for your own good!™"

Very few things trigger me more than this doublespeak.

They're not. Operating systems will be legally required to ask for such samples in some jurisdictions by 2028. Linus has fecal_sample.ko lined up for merge in 7.3 or so.

/s but we jumped to the Black Mirror timeline so who knows?

Paging Sam Altman
“Featuring a partnership with Kohler Health and the Dekoda toilet camera and Withings and their UScan piss sensor…”
“Please drink Exlax verification can”
{"deleted":true,"id":47219202,"parent":47217973,"time":1772465273,"type":"comment"}
Remember, it is for the children. /s
> moves when you try to move away the mouse over it

They already did that. I sit down at my computer and try to activate the window I want to work in, and the "location" icon temporarily appears in the notification area which causes all the taskbar icons to shift left. I accidentally click the neighboring icon and launch an app that throws up a splash screen for 60 seconds while it loads.

We should start this process early and all start sending our fecal samples to MS headquarters.
brb, packing a small suitcase of specimen.
> requires a fecal sample So requires the user to log in?
> So requires the user to log in?

Only on premium subscriptions, for free users you need your neighbour's stool sample.

Error: Timeout. Please submit iris scan less than 60 seconds after fecal sample.
"Installations of new Windows OS tied to pink-eye outbreak nationwide"
I’m at the point to tell people (friends, neighbors, fellow parents, family, ie, not HN readers) to prolong the life of their existing computers and install what I think is the easiest windows equivalent on their computers: kubuntu.

Gnome is nice and all, but the default ui, and remember defaults matter for a lot of people, is just too jarring.

The people I am talking about just wanna browse the web, go on Facebook and use their gmail. Look at funny YouTube videos. The default KDE ui has that windows start menu and looks roughly the same so they can hit the ground running.

My family switched to Gnome 2 a couple of decades ago. My mother quite liked it and has consistently installed it on every new computer she bought. Her only confusion lately has been with the ubuntu snap packages and how they behave between multiple accounts on the machine.

These days she uses MATE which still offers that Gnome 2 layout. Awesome thing about Linux is that option to fork, so her desktop environment has remained consistent for over 20 years.

Cinnamon has a very classic Windows layout. I am getting very comfortable using MX Linux with KDE, especially that I have been able to move my NVME drive over several laptops now. Starting to get the itch to find a rolling distro to skip reinstalling the OS every two years.
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Combine fingerprint biometric with fecal samples for a convenient "fecalprint" button. The user doesn't even have to go into the bathroom! It can be microslops version of Apple's TouchID.
You're absolutely right! It's not just a fecalprint button, it's a feces platform!
just press your bumhole to the glass
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The next step is mandatory id verification for the age check on login.

To protect the children.

Why are you exposing our future security plans on a thread about coprophilic divinations?
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That's a great idea the task bar could just shift to expose a link to sign up for azure/office/OneDrive/CoPilot subscription that the user misclicks on.
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In different canton (equivalent to US states) in Switzerland, you take the sample at home, and go to the post office to send it.

So why not to create a M365 account? International dispatch to the US :D

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I can really see them ship the first, that's at the same time very funny, and quite sad.
first one is a really slick tooltip ui to make sure people read tooltips. hover over button, it slides out while revealing tooltip text in its place, move cursor to button again

if you want to make sure people read a lot of instructions you can chain this so that you need to hover over the button multiple times, revealing the instructions a bit at a time

Anal folds are as unique as fingerprints. Please submit a high quality hole pic to Microsoft for identity verification
An opportunity to sell chairs with built-in cameras!
Will the oral and anal probe be clearly marked, or will you only get a warning of "swap the probes" after pushing them into wrong holes?
You are absolutely right! This was, in fact, an anal probe and you should correct location of the two. Do you want me to start the ID verification process over again?
> a fecal sample

a micro shit (tm)

Human or cow shet?
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Someone misheard iris for anus? lol
“Your sample was insufficient. Please try again later.”
"please drink the verification can"
Sci-Fi Author: In my book I invented the Torment Nexus as a cautionary tale

Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus

The biometric version of the S/Key OTP algorithm: https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/rfc1760

Best we can hope for is Microsoft dogfoods the feature first.

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Hehe, this reminds me of 30 years ago when people used to stylise it as Micro$oft or creatively misspell it as Microshaft, etc. Even on the Amiga, there was the filesystem that could read PC format disks that was called MessyDos. It just seems like the next generation has discovered what an easy name it is to make puns from.
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If you're German-speaking: "Klopilot" and "Vibrierkot" are some modern day personal favorites.

On a similar, nostalgic note, I recall boot screens for "Sinnlos 98" floating around, back when modifying the bootup logo was a thing.

There are regions in Germany (Hessen) where "Azure" is pronounced the exact same way as "Ärger" (trouble). Makes you think...
Wow, that's incredible. Even though I'm from Hessen, I never thought of making that connection!
For Latvians Windows Vista was pretty funny cluck cluck.
Ok, Vibrierkot is something for the German shitpost communities with all my Zuhausis im Zwischennetz.
> Klopilot

funnily enough works just fine in Polish

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You made me laugh, thanks.
As a Polish man I love Klopilot <3
"Der Ätsch-Browser".
Don’t forget Kleinweich
Maybe you can explain it for we non German speakers.
Klopilot: Klo ~ Toilet Vibrierkot: Kot ~ Faeces
What is "Vibrierkot" supposed to sound like?
Probably 'vibe code'?
Now I see it... Needed morning coffee to kick in
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I used M$ at work the other day by accident, I was like ooh wait this isn't turn of the century slashdot.
From my parent's home in Wyoming I stab at thee!

https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/07/22/m

I find it interesting to go back in time so I read the accompanying article and came across this snippet:

> despite the computing apocalypse that Windows XP's Product Activation features were supposed to ignite, I've never had the first problem with it

At the time, I remember a lot of scare stories about how the Product Activation system in Windows XP would result in the death of user freedom. It didn’t effect me because I was using GNU/Linux (probably Mandrake or Mandriva Linux). When I later got a job in an office that ran Windows XP, I don’t remember XP causing any more headaches than any of its predecessors. If anything, it was even more stable than 2000 which itself was superior to 95, 98 or 98SE.

I also fully agree with the last sentence:

> I do think it's clear that the way we use our computers totally pisses off gigantic, wealthy companies of all stripes, and it was only a matter of time until they tried to do something about it.

Part of it was that Microsoft was really more concerned with distributors selling computers with pirated copies of Windows, and they basically would activate anything if you were willing to call.

I remember doing it a few times for the "OEM" Windows XP which was cheaper but not supposed to migrate to new machines.

Thanks for that bit of background. That make sense.

I used to think that MS were probably happy with a certain amount of “piracy” (students, voluntary groups, people starting off as self-employed contractors, etc.) because it kept people in their ecosystem (using MS Office and other Windows-only software), helped reinforce the perception of Windows as being the OS for getting stuff done (either work or games) and some of these “pirates” would become future (paying) customers.

They really were - the biggest things were companies selling PCs with pirated software on them, and larger businesses buying one copy for everyone (where the fabled and famous audits came from). MS was never as big a stickler as Oracle in that regard.

Of course, if you were an avowed pirate, nothing even slowed you down.

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MS-DOS itself is derived from QDOS, which stands for "Quick and Dirty Operating System".

Things only went downhill from there.

Last week on a comedy show (the daily show) they made a joke about bill gates "micro and soft" which was old in the 90s already, so I can confirm this is the case.
I think this was 100% justifiable use. If the founder of the company is going to be hanging out with pedophiles and sex traffickers, then micro and soft jokes are open season. All of his philanthropic adventures will never wipe his stain clean.
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Orgs have had sensitive skin like this for a long time. Gamespy was a service for launching and playing multiplayer games with lobbies before Steam, and if you “accidentally” typed “GaySpy” (it was the early 2000s) it would autocorrect to “GameSpy” by the time it appeared in your messages.
In Brazil people used to say "Ruindows", which is a play with the portuguese word for bad.
Don't forget Windoze.
In french we have Windaube (pronunced Windob).

Daube is a slang word for something of low quality.

> Daube is a slang word for something of low quality.

Which is fun because it's also a really delicious dish from Provence (south of France) made with beef that has been marinated for multiple hours in red wine.

Don't forget Winblows
Another oldie

"If you play the Win98 CD backwards, it summons Satan. It's worse when you play it forwards - it installs Windows"

Ah, good times... :-)

I have a "quotes.txt" from slashdot days with some MS jabs in it:

> Last week, I left my 2 XP CDs on my dashboard in plain view. Someone broke into my car and left 2 more.

> The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

> A Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer is to computing what a McDonalds Certified Food Specialist is to fine cuisine

Juvenile some might say, but they still makes me giggle.

I had to reinstall win98 so many times I still remember the pirate key k4hvdq9tj96crx9c9g68rq2d3 by heart

good times :)

I guess I was more of the FCKGW generation. :)
IIRC with Windows 98 you could just use any product key you had on as many machines as you wanted since there was no activation or real phoning home capabilities. So most likely your whole friend group would be using the same serial that was copied off your uncle's old gateway.
Ah, FuCK Gates, William.

I think there were at least three other commonly used codes, but this one was by far the most popular.

I'm pretty sure 000-0000000 worked (at least on windows 95)
Outbreak Express!
It was "Outhouse Express" and "GruntPage" for me in the late 90s. I still use these for software I find particularly irksome, for example Conscrewence from AtlASSian.
It was always "Microshit" to me
Internet exploder
Internet Exploiter
I always like Wangblows
In Polish we used to say "Winzgroza" (win terror)
in Italy it was WinZozz (zozzo = dirty)
I'm starting to use Micro$lop now
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My favorite nickname for MS-DOS is "Domestos" (pronounced /də ˈmɛs ˌtɒs/) which is a brand of bathroom cleanee from the UK.
I used to have a M$ email signature 30 years ago, and pay, nowaydays I mostly use Windows on my laptop, because I am not willing to pay Apple prices even though I can afford them, and even last year I was dealing with GNU/Linux installation issues on a Gigabyte BRIX.
{"deleted":true,"id":47219204,"parent":47216833,"time":1772465279,"type":"comment"}
Been in this industry since I graduated college, I have never stopped using Micro$oft or Microshaft. Also a fan of M$, Winblows…

Thank goodness their employees have time to crack down on people making fun of them on fucking Discord. That should definitely be the priority of a multi-trillion dollar software company, is making sure your users aren’t mocking you. We don’t need a taskbar that works reliably or anything.

Microscope Winblows
I was partial to Micro$haft.
What community is there to house around Microsoft Copilot? Seriously, why does Microsoft Copilot need a Discord Server? What do I talk about when I join the Microsoft Copilot server? What are we doing here?
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I'd imagine that there's some discussion about how to make the most out of the tool as well as discussion of experiments and capabilities. I'm not even sure what exactly "Microsoft Copilot" entails anymore because of the multiple rebrands, but having a place where you can discuss exploring plugins and other adjacent features seems useful.

Not quite the same, but recently I was recently looking around for communities centered around Claude Code for discussion about people's workflows as well as discussion about what plugins people are using and if they notice it making a significant difference.

Since the technology is still evolving, having an active community can help you discover new patterns and explore the space more effectively.

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Yeah ban the use of a catchy catch-phrase as you continue to shove AI down your user-base - that'll work. Streisand would be proud.
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I don't take this lightly. These are the folks who are doing what they can to be part of the government. They simply cannot take criticism and this seems to be a pattern moving forward.
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Microsoft, can you please let me remove recommendations from the start menu? Not just less recommendations. I want the category to not be displayed and taking up space.
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Oh no, how will people signal that some functionality or product in general is what they'd previously been referring as Mircolosp? er, Microsolps. wait, that's not it either, Macroslop. Micro$lop. Microsplo. Sorry, so many typos! but you know what I mean.
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Microslop doing Microslop things
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Why is Microsoft using Discord and not Teams?
So non-employees join and provide free support to other users without having to pay them.
Why would anyone use Teams?
Because it comes 'free' with an Office365 subscription. Embrace (<<you are here), extend, extinguish.

It's usually 'management'. The same management that won't pay for developer tools (including Slack) because 'why do you need that when you can do 95% of your work in VSCode?' It's also usually the same sort of management that can do 95% of their documents in... VSCode and markdown. Or LibreOffice.

Microsoft products are only free if your time has no value.
Having been in the position, on a corporate Active Directory network it very much easier to roll out Teams than anything else. It works fine at the kind of internal video calls that companies spend their days on.
I don't think M$ does much dogfooding. The kinds of issues I encounter being forced to use their pan-awfuly for work makes me very skeptical of this idea.
I am for my day job. I still mourn slack and gsuite.
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Dogfooding only works when the dog food is edible.
Discord is owned by Microsoft IIRC.
It's not. It's an independent company, that's most likely going to IPO soon. Microsoft was reported to be in talks to acquire Discord at some point, but that never materialised.
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This just means I'm going to say microslop in random places - documents, slides, emails and Teams chats. "Copilot 365" is welcome to give me a red squigly all it wants.
AI valuation is based on vibes not fundamentals. If the vibes are bad it could tank valuations. That's why theyre so sensitive.
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Someone needs to edit this title to change the first word to MicroSlop

I've never called them MircoSlop before, I haven't even written the word. But it's now my exclusive word for the company.

All I can hear is, it's working.

So this is the company pushing to be an integral part of everyone's lives, forcing it down everyone's throat without consent.

And they're already moderation a light hearted joke about their low quality products.

Doesn't really bode well for the future product Vision.

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Was hitting too close to home it seems...

But to be fair, corporate discords have to be like that. Why not create your own channel with your colleagues instead? This discussion would be "private" and corporate can just ignore it.

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The default of making a public discord for your project/company always seemed like a bad idea anyway. It’ll always devolve into some drama or distracting overhead to moderate it
I think we've found the 2026 word of the year already!

Let's get it out there and make this happen!

They are back in their villain arc. For a while now.
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This is why 2026 will be The Year of the Linux Desktop
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Micro$lop then.
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I would be angry too. Its definitely not that micro.
I wonder what is Apple equivalent for this term
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Microslop.

Has a nice ring to it.

Thank you Streisand effect!

MS has some snowflake (not Snowflake) execs... Poor little management, they need their safe space from a mean old word.
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I propose we refer to them as Microslop from now on.
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365Slop all day every day all around
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{"deleted":true,"id":47216663,"parent":47216047,"time":1772451432,"type":"comment"}
Microslop can't get one right. What is it with them these days..?
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Before this article I'd have thought that Microslop was used to designate small snippets of AI slop, like "Let that sync in" or "And to be honest" and "It's not X, it's Y" and "Deepdive" and "Delve".

But nice to see that MS is Streisanding their way to a nice new nickname!

What were the sloperators of that channel thinking?

In any case, it should be Micro$lop (may not be banned...yet).

I'm sad that "Klopilot" only works in German.

"Hello, copilot, do you create slop? -> Skibidi slop slop slop aiiiiiii"

lmfao

> Microsoft's brand image may already be at an all-time low

and they decide to make it even worse. it's extremely obvious this would be an objectively terrible PR move. you always take banter on the chin and show that you're working on improving the product.

instead, they try to clamp down on the banter, which, without fail, achieves the exact opposite: banter increases tenfold and you get ridiculed for being overly sensitive to actual criticism

Is Micro$lop also banned?
Does M$ honestly expect a positive outcome from this? What do they hope to accomplish?
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May I coin the term "Slopware"?
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Tells you a lot about where their focus is at as a company.
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> the software giant can’t risk getting more hatred towards their expensive investment in Copilot, especially since Microsoft’s head start in AI is starting to be overshadowed by competitors like Anthropic, Google, OpenAI, and maybe even Apple in the near future

This sentence is from TFA, and I can't for the life of me understand it. "Head start"?? WTF?

IDK what's funnier/more pathetic, them doing this or an entire article getting written about it.

MicroslopSlop

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I would honestly be embarrassed to call myself "micro soft" in general.

Unless you're into that kind of thing.

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Is Micro$$lop banned?
they sincerely think that the primary problem they're facing is one of PR, don't they?
Personally I think 2000s Micro$oft would be disappointed that 2026 Microslop is hosting user communities on a 3rd party platform owned other another company rather than using their own competitor.
That's a 'snatch defeat from the jaws of victory moment'
Windows 11 is definitely failing in weird ways for me, I don't know if it's due to slop. The latest example is that I can't launch Notepad via the start menu... I can launch other apps though.
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remember when they sued a HS student Mike Rowe for his microrowesoft website?
I guess I'll have to go out of my way to refer to their shitty product as "Microslop Copilot" then.

What are they going to do? Ban me from using their operating system?

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so this exists:

microslop.com

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I am currently re-watching the HBO comedy show Silicon Valley, and oh man, is it hitting even harder this time than when it was originally released.
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Most discord users are children, more news at 11
Discord/Reddit moderators living up to their obnoxious stereotype as usual.
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What will Elon's "Macrohard" company be called? "Macroheil"?
Wow, so someone opened a discord server for a community and banned an insulting word for the community? This must be a first.
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