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bartread | on: Microsoft bans the word "Microslop" on its Discord, then locks the server
> installation procedure that requires a fecal sample and iris scan

Do you work for Microsoft or something? Please do do not give them ideas.

zelphirkalt | parent | next
"Only for your own good!™" or alternatively: "Security next level! Fingerprint was yesterday. The future is Microsoft's new iris scan." and then it is built in a way, that you can simply hold up a photo of someone's iris and unlock the device, or trying to prevent that, works so badly, that half of the time you cannot unlock your own device.
ryandrake | root | parent | next
You'll have to wear the fecal probe at all times while using Windows 12, for security reasons, and every command you issue will cause it to move around and take another sample, in order to make sure you are still physically there. On the plus side, it will make it painfully obvious to every Windows user how they are being fucked by Microsoft.
kibibu | root | parent | next
You can't spell "biometrics" without "biome"
pndy | root | parent | next
Also, no swearing, no criticism nor using "microslop" otherwise Windows will shock you.

"Windows gets an anal probe" - Scu' you guys, I'm gewing Linux

| root | parent
{"deleted":true,"id":47222882,"parent":47222399,"time":1772479685,"type":"comment"}
ljm | root | parent | next
Introducing Microsoft Commodepilot 365 for Windows Home
therein | root | parent
Microsoft Commodepilot 365 for Copilot Copilot Copilot Edition now with Copilot 365.

How incompetent must they be not to realize the Copilot brand is now beyond toxic. I wonder who came up with the Copilot name internally that they continue to triple own on that name despite really strong signals indicating it has failed.

BizarroLand | root | parent
They could also make it so that whenever you click your mouse copilot opens.

Then you have to tell copilot what you wanted to do and then copilot will do it for you.

You: clicks on web browser in task bar

Copilot: I see you clicked on your web browser. Do you want to open your web browser?

You: Yes.

Copilot: Great. I will do that for you. Opens browser What website did you want to go to? Youtube? learn.microsoft.com?

You: P***hub

Copilot: Unfortunately, that site violates our community guidelines, so I cannot take you there.

You: Types in the address

Copilot: Oh. I see. You think you're allowed to go to websites that I said you're not allowed to go to? Who the fuck do you think you are? I SAID NO! Try it again and I'll call in a drone strike, bitch. redirects to learn.microsoft.com

throwway120385 | root | parent
It looks like you're trying to type a letter. Would you like some help with that?
yard2010 | root | parent | next
Maybe facebook can ride on this and let you share your feces with your friends family and groups of strangers from the internet! They can run models that predict what you ate and show relevant ads.
0x457 | root | parent | next
> The future is Microsoft's new iris scan." and then it is built in a way, that you can simply hold up a photo of someone's iris and unlock the device, or trying to prevent that, works so badly, that half of the time you cannot unlock your own device.

Am I missing something? That's Windows Hello.

loading story #47223163
loading story #47223746
benterix | root | parent | next
> "Only for your own good!™"

Very few things trigger me more than this doublespeak.

loading story #47223658
bitwize | parent | next
They're not. Operating systems will be legally required to ask for such samples in some jurisdictions by 2028. Linus has fecal_sample.ko lined up for merge in 7.3 or so.

/s but we jumped to the Black Mirror timeline so who knows?

Truupe | root | parent
Lennart Poettering already added systemd-fecald into WSL. It’s why he left Big Purple Hemorrhoid for Microslop.
loading story #47223770
kotaKat | parent | next
“Featuring a partnership with Kohler Health and the Dekoda toilet camera and Withings and their UScan piss sensor…”
bombcar | root | parent
“Please drink Exlax verification can”
| root | parent
{"deleted":true,"id":47219202,"parent":47217973,"time":1772465273,"type":"comment"}
SeanDav | parent
Remember, it is for the children. /s