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vedaba | on: How to talk to anyone and why you should
Until you run into an A-hole whose response ruins the rest of your day when you were just trying to be sociable. I could even see getting physically assaulted for trying to talk to the wrong stranger. I like where your heart is at, unfortunately many people out there are not deserving of it.
DiskoHexyl | parent | next
The idea of practicing these random interactions is also to get accustomed to rejections from the assholes. After all, they aren’t the majority- most people are actually quite nice and often appreciate a company (or will politely tell you they don’t need one)
perching_aix | root | parent | next
This made me reflect on online interactions.

Agreeable comments will draw comparatively fewer replies, while disagreeable ones achieve the opposite.

But this then results in a "false experience" for the individual, where unlike in real life, the bad exchanges do not end up outweighed by the good ones, as you simply don't go on to have those. You just upvote and move on (often to avoid redundancy).

Maybe if the two were tied together (voting either up / down & sending a reply), communities would work healthier? I don't know. Not like it's easy to have this tried out.

I could definitely see challenges to this though, the aforementioned redundancy being one. I have some countermeasure ideas, but then I wonder if that would make the UX complicated enough to drive people away instead, which is a lose-lose.

johnnyanmac | root | parent
It's not the majority, but one black eye will make you rethink everything regardless.
jmye | root | parent
Man, how many "hey, how are you"s do you think are ending in a black eye? What ridiculous hyperbole.
matwood | root | parent | next
Yeah, some of the responses in this thread I hope are just jokes. Asking someone how their day is going is bare minimum social behavior that should carry zero risk of anything.
johnnyanmac | root | parent
Only takes one. Humans are trained to remember the pain more than the typical. That's my point.
jcattle | root | parent
Well, keep going with asking people "how are you" until someone gives you a black eye. Then you can stop.

I would assume that before that happens your natural death would come first.

| parent | next
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jmye | parent
I mean, why does it ruin your day? It's just some random person - you'll likely never see them again, or you'll know to avoid them in the future. Why is the opinion of some rando weighing on you so much?
bondarchuk | root | parent | next
This whole thread is about wanting to talk with strangers because it makes you feel good, if approval from strangers makes you feel good the natural corollary is rejection from strangers can also make you feel bad. It would be bit weird to go out of your way to talk to people because you'd enjoy their kindness but then when they're unkind turn around all like "oh I never cared about you anyway". Isn't it?
rain_iwakura | root | parent
have you had actually negative interactions like that? they sting for years, even after hundreds of mild-to-positive ones. the brain focuses on risk-minimization and not reward-maximization.
calcifer | root | parent
"The" brain, or just yours? Mine certainly doesn't obsess over a bad interaction "even after hundreds of mild-to-positive ones."
abelitoo | root | parent
It depends, which is really funny.

My brain on a Monday in a crap mood driving on the highway: that jerk that just cut me off has ruined my entire day.

My brain on Friday after good sleep and a relaxing morning: heh look at the guy, he's definitely in a hurry. Hope he gets where he's going, back to my jams!

I try to train myself to remember to be Friday brain, but sometimes Monday brain comes out and I'm in a funk that makes me forget I actually have a choice about NOT reacting a specific way. I like to think I'm getting better at consistently not sweating the small stuff and just letting those instances go without giving them an appreciable amount of mental space better suited to relaxing and listening to good music.