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And the "did I remember to lock my car" remote-check functionality doesn't seem nearly worth the "now a hacker can remote-unlock my car" tradeoff.

It's completely unnecessary.

Modern cars automatically lock themselves when they sense there are no keys nearby, nobody in the seats, and the doors are closed for x minutes.

This is not true at all.
It is true. It is precisely how my car works. You'll have to do better than a one-line dismissal.
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