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Nothing you just said backs up the argument you were making earlier that who you are nice and mean to is "two sides of the same coin" and it's impossible to be nice to both (or mean to both based on the mirror comparison). You're giving a fine explanation that there are different motives involved in the treatment of insiders and outsiders, but that's much more general and nonspecific.

I'm not getting into a discussion about tribalism in general right now. You made a strong claim that goes well beyond what I normally think of as tribalism. Do you have a scrap of evidence or research for that claim?

I think you didn't understand my claim. My claim is simple, my long explanation above was meant for you to arrive at these conclusions yourself:

* people are nice when they still behave in the old, tribal way.

* the tribal way is always going to be creating individuals who are racist and conformant/conservative.

* not behaving the tribal way means going outside the conformist mold, which means you take risks and eventually learn by experience that taking more risks come with consequences. You become less trustful of everyone, while almost paradoxically proclaiming yourself to be more open.

This fits observation. If you believe it's wrong, you must demonstrate why with supporting evidence without contradicting the evidence I've used, obviously.