For example, node, java, and python all have vendored roots and don't check any CRLs.
Well, what about them? If you've got access to the private key, nothing is going to stop you from generating a cert violating CAA records - and it won't even be easy to detect! They are intended to protect against, say, someone hacking into your server, running ACME to get a cert, cleaning up their traces, and then intercepting your traffic for 90 days. CAA records assume the CA is trustworthy and following the rules.
There used to be a pinning scheme called HPKP, but the trouble with it is it's very easy to accidentally (or via malicious third-party action) end up in a situation where your web site becomes unreachable by people who've visited it previously because the key changed and the pin prevents their browser recognizing the new key as valid: